Top ten ways Santa Claus could help during the holidays

1. Recognize the elves’ union and give them a raise so they won’t have to go on strike.

2. Give the reindeer a break by making banker CEOs pull the sleigh and don’t spare the whip …

3. … and let Rudolph drive the sleigh this year (he really hates banker CEOs).

4. Since kids send millions of letters to Santa via the post office, put “Save Jobs, Keep the Post Offices Open!” flyers in
every kid’s stocking ...

5. … and tell them they won’t be considered naughty if they occupy the post offices to support the postal workers.

6. Give a one-way sleigh ride home to every U.S. soldier in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Persian Gulf, South Korea and most other countries.

7. For a change, let the elves decide who’s been naughty and who’s been nice — including deciding if you should still be Santa.

8. Let the elves sneak into the Wall Street offices and take back all those million-dollar bonuses and stock options …

9. ... and use it to buy food, clothing and toys for children all over the world whose parents have been robbed by Wall Street.

10. Last, but not least, deliver a real “Get Out of Jail Free” card to Mumia Abu-Jamal.

— Paul Wilcox