Lou Dobbs’ thoughts after leaving CNN

1. The Senate desperately needs another racist multimillionaire in its ranks. If I run for office, I can fill that need.

2. I had this nightmarish dream about Pancho Villa, John Brown, Harriet Tubman ... and me.

3. I’ll try reading a copy of “Mein Kampf” to relax.

4. I must do more about the annoying “strong winds of change,” such as the voters choosing an African-American president.

5. I need to work on new, more creative ways to promote hatred for immigrants, such as finding the missing link between Mexico and the end of the world in 2012.

6. Since my ratings have gone down, maybe I should find just one Big Lie and keep repeating that.

7. If I blame immigrants for global warming, maybe that will work. Mexico is way warmer than the U.S.

8. I must reassure the Pentagon that when I said the U.S. should get out of Iraq and Afghanistan, I was only kidding.

9. In a rare moment of self-awareness, instead of dumping on immigrants, I drove myself to the dump ...

10 . ... except that snotty-faced worker at the dump said I was “the wrong type of garbage.”

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